Within My Own Mind
by Sanathia
Summary: Inches from disaster, Philip allows Clarence to take control. What sort of mistake did he make? One-shot about dark trust and forgiving ties.


_**Disclaimer: No, I don't own Penumbra or any of it's properties either. That all goes to Frictional Games, so don't sue me. And as far as I know, none of this actually occurs in the game, so don't call me out on that.**_

_**Warning: Horror-filled themes, just as I like it. Also, mild language and some very slightly hinted Philip/Clarence slash. You'd have to squint to see it, though.**_

_**Note: This takes place at the end of the first facility in Black Plague, but I made up the room. I imagine its some room and Clarence changed and made beautiful for him...:P**_

The grotesque sounds that gargled from an Infected's mouth could be heard around the corner, sending Philip's last bit of sanity plummeting down. He gnawed on the tiny stubs of enamel left on his fingertips, begging desperately for the monster to leave him alone. A Tuurngait encounter was the last thing he needed with Clarence raging in his head. The filthy symptom of Infection was more than annoying; if the other Infected could truly hear his voice, Philip could easily be located. It was only a matter of time before Clarence forced him to suicide anyway; he'd already shown he was completely capable of controlling Philip's mind. Will power crumbled in the presence of his personal demon's authority.

"I hear one," Clarence murmured in the back of his head. "Careful, Monkey. I don't…I don't wanna die here. Not today."

Philip's mind reeled as he detected fear in the voice's tone. He hesitantly stepped around the corner and peaked. He was just in time to see an Infected turn around the opposite corner. Softly sighing, he made a run for the door, Clarence's voice egging him on the whole way. "Faster, Monkey!" he shouted. "We'll never get away in time!" As the door crept closer and closer, a member of the Tuurngait was able to turn around the corner and see him. A blood-like substances seemed to be dripping from his mouth, although that could've easily been mistaken as he was running so fast.

"Go…" Clarence exclaimed. "Go, Monkey! Run like you've never run before!"

"Shut up," Philip snarled aloud, silencing the voice quickly enough. Those two words had their own consequence; his breath ran ragged, he was sure that he couldn't make it to the door…

"Let me take control," Clarence begged. "For both of our lives, let me take the wheel!"

_There's no other choice,_ Philip thought. His arms pumped uselessly, his legs couldn't carry him as he continued to turn corner after corner. Would the end ever come? Would he be able to make it on his own? Clarence seemed just as desperate, if not more, to make it to the door. _I have no other choice,_ Philip repeated to himself. _I'll either fall and die here, or I let Clarence run my into the Infected. At least this way I have a chance. _Unsure how exactly to give up the control over his mind, he directed a single thought at Clarence: _Go ahead._

The voice wasted no time. Suddenly, he couldn't feel his burning legs or aching arms. His breath wasn't so heavy anymore, in fact he couldn't feel the rise of his chest with every breath. He had legs no longer, and his body was non-existent. He could see very little, only out of his former body's pupils, and he had no peripheral vision. _So this is what it's like to be Clarence, _Philip thought to himself. _Sure as hell sucks._

"It really does," Clarence's voice chimed. He could hear the smirk in the tone. However, at that moment, he realized exactly what he'd done…he didn't have a private thought anymore. The body that once was strongly held and defended by Philip was now in Clarence's irresponsible, evil hands – quite literally, for the former voice now had control of his body.

"You really screwed up, Monkey," Clarence chided. "Didn't no one teach you not to give your body to monsters?"

Philip kept his mind clear, not allowing Clarence to have the satisfaction.

"I'll give it back, ya know." His voice was a soft sigh.

His words echoed through the confines of the skull. Philip smiled darkly. "No you won't. You have me now. I'm a prisoner in my own mind."

"You have no confidence in me, huh?" Philip felt an overwhelming feeling of trust come over him, something so much like he'd felt with his father. But...his father had betrayed him. Distractedly, he watched a heavy steel door open up into a bright, safe room. It seemed too pure to be safe, yet…there were no signs of Tuurngait. There was a flimsy sort of light in the opposite corner, but it didn't bother him. Philip became dimly aware that he could feel his fingers again, and then his arms and legs. His heart thumped loudly against the restraints his ribcage created, and his chest rose with each breath. He could feel Clarence's quiet presence sulking in the back of his mind.

"What on earth are you doing?" Philip asked aloud, slinking into the lighted corner. It wasn't light, not really. It was a shimmering sort of glow that seemed…unnatural. It was just like the light the room he'd encountered quickly after his entrance to the facility.

"Watching a movie, I guess. You got a hell of a lot of movies in here, Monkey."

"You already said that."

"I'm out of material," Clarence sighed defeated.

"So, what was with all that? Giving me my body back sure doesn't sound like you."

"Oh, so you would've preferred I kept it?" Clarence snarled.

"Absolutely not." Philip picked his fingernail nervously.

"I guess I'm just…sick of the Tuurngait, that's all. And ya know, we've spent a lot of time together over these few days…"

"And?"

"And, well, I guess I kinda like ya, Monkey. We're stuck together anyway."

Philip remained silent before remembering something he'd learned from Amabel's research. "Hey, uh, Clarence?" He'd never spoken directly to the voice in his head by addressing him by the self-appointed name.

"Yeah?"

"How were you able to even give me my body back? I thought that once you took control, you had it…and became part of the Tuurngait union again."

"You monkeys don't know anything!" Clarence exclaimed with what was obviously accompanied by an eye-roll. "You don't just take control and BOOM, you're part of the whole. It…it's too complicated to explain, okay? Just know that you're wrong."

"Alright," Philip concluded shyly. "So, if you're not gonna take over my body, maybe we can…share a little more often?"

Clarence paused. "I think that'd be alright, Monkey."

"Well, I know I would."

They two unlikely partners shared a quiet moment before moving on to another round of terrifying monsters threatening to separate mind from flesh.

**_A/N_**

**_I really do like Penumbra, you know. If I messed it up for you, I'm sorry. Please review, I wanna get better! And, well, this is my first non-Metalocalypse fanfic, so be gentle. XD ~ Sanathia_**


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